MOMENT by MOMENT

Hosted by: Cynthia Swanson & Andrew Swanson

Finished a new scene tonight

I was going to go to bed early tonight, but the writing bug hit and I couldn’t let inspiration pass.  Whether the inspiration was good or bad remains to be seen–it’s good enough to call it a rough draft and move on to the next scene.

What I’m not sure of, is how well the ending works.  Here’s the tail end of a confrontation.  The heroine is exhausted, drained, dizzy, and essentially feels like she has been drained until she’s a hollow husk.  Except for the pain of a bad headache.

With a bitter laugh, Sam said, “That’s what this is really all about, isn’t it?  That I had the gall to walk away from the family and leave Portland.  Tell me…why should I have stuck around after I found out that the family who was supposed to love and support me, had been secretly sabotaging my career at every step?  Including getting my name stricken off the selection list for a detective shield, when I passed all the tests.   And the cherry on top—brokering a deal to give my fiance the shield, as a payoff for getting me to agree to marry him.”

Sam heard a gasp from just inside the house, then the door opened wider and Sharon stood in the doorway.  “Con?  What’s Sam talking about?”

Now that she had started, Sam wasn’t able to stop.  “What did you tell me when I confronted you, Con?  Oh yes.  You said everything was done for my own good, in the best interests of the family.  That maybe I couldn’t see it right then, but once I settled down, got married and had a couple of kids, I would be grateful.  Grateful!”

Sweat broke out on her brow.  Her head felt as if it were being excavated from the inside, and a hollowness in her stomach made it even harder to keep her feet under her with the porch rocking under her.  But she had to keep it together.  Now was not the time to come across as weak.  “Still nothing to say?” she sneered, proud of how strong her voice sounded, even if it made her head pound all the harder.  “You want to know why I left?  Because.  Because I couldn’t live my life here.  So I got away.  Far away.  Changed my name.  Built a new life.”

The edges of her vision were starting to blur, but she could see Con just standing there, as rigid as stone, his expression impenetrable.  Then he disappeared behind a wall of water that came out of nowhere, streaking down her cheeks.  “You’re a goddamned…”

Sam closed her eyes for just a second.  She imagined there was shouting, but that was impossible, and then she realized she was falling.  How did that happen?  Everything was too loud.  She was tired of fighting.  Maybe she should let herself keep falling.  She was close to the stairs.  If she broke her neck, would they be sorry? She wanted to open her eyes, but couldn’t.  Then someone grabbed her from behind, their warm body enveloping her as a deep voice whispered in her ear, “I’ve got you, baby.”

And then she knew no more.

So?  Enough of a cliff hanger to make someone turn the page?

Categories: Writing

Tags:

Tell us what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s